Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
