My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Randomize
