Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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