is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
