Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
