toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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