Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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