Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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