He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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