She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Randomize
