I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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