She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
