Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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