Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
