i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize