I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
