I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
