Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
