If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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