I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
