I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
