just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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