Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
