then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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