I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
