Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize