I'd wear matching sweaters with you
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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