Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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