3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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