i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
