Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Life is so much better after having sex.
birth control should be required to get into college
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
