I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
