you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
