Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
