You just made me feel so damn special
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
