I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
