She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
