conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
