So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
