If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize