so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
