drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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