i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
