eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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