Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
