His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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