I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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