I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
