I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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