kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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