I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
