Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
