Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
