You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
