I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
