Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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