well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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