Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
it glows. i had to have it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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