paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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