someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
